10. "Stop by the concession area and pick up Barbara Bush's swimsuit calendar"

9. "At the conclusion of his speech, George W. Bush will execute some lucky delegate"

8. "Run for your lives! Dick Cheney's heart's gonna 'splode!"

7. "Because of the convention, 'Becker' will not be seen tonight"

6. "Please welcome a completely naked Jesse Helms"

5. "And now to sing our national anthem, David Letterman"

4. "Former President Bush, your son's head is stuck in the podium again"

3. "Richard Nixon is out in the parking lot and he's pissed"

2. "In anyone finds an appointment book filled with names of prominent Republicans, please return it to the hooker in the lobby"

1. "The caterer forgot the scotch"