10. After selling a hot dog, vendors share helpful food poisoning remedies

9. Batteries thrown by New York Yankees fans are the environmentally-friendly rechargeable kind

8. Whenever you step off a city bus, the driver gives you a friendly pat on the ass

7. Muggers say, "May I?" before gutting you like a carp

6. Cab drivers no longer curse and give the finger at the same time

5. Two words: complimentary rats

4. "Thank you" always follows, "Do as I say and no one gets hurt"

3. "We're sorry" is printed on every Knicks ticket

2. Number of motorists who stop at red lights is up to 8%

1. People are now greeting me with, "Go screw yourself, Mr. Letterman"