10. What you call a fireworks display, the police call arson

9. Best part was when the bug zapper fell in the pool

8. Only celebrity they could get is the Geico lizard

7. Al Gore shuts it down because of atmosphere-warming sulfure emissions

6. It starts at noon

5. It's just a couple of guys yelling, "Ka-Boom!"

4. Finale of show: A stick of dynamite blows up your car

3. Fireworks form a colorful image of CNN personality Larry King

2. You're handed a program and a business card of several peronal injury attorneys

1. When you complain that it's over after an underwhelming two minutes, your wife says, "Tell me about it"