10. $100 tax rebate each time someone gives you the finger!

9. Tap water now available in "Chunky-style"!

8. Oprah is moving to New York!

7. Free tacos for all the ladies!

6. Letterman's splitting his paycheck with us!

5. New ordinance requires one Gap store per citizen!

4. The Upper West Side is now clothing optional!

3. New law: Lose your friend's brooch and you're going to jail for life.

2. The Ed Sullivan Theater is too damn cold!

1. We're invading New Jersey!