10. Loopy from bad crack supplied by Michael Irvin

9. Took the phrase "shotgun offense" a little too seriously

8. If overhead baggage shifts during flight, you've got to be ready to defend yourself.

7. Just traded in his frequent flyer miles for a shiny Smith and Wesson

6. Working on his new "gangsta rap" identity, "Snoop Switzy Switz"

5. Needed a way to fend off thousands of Barry Switzer groupies

4. Wanted to shoot me some a' them crazy Russkies from 'Air Force One'

3. Promoting a new slogan, "NFL action -- it's guntastic!"

2. Wanted to get in the papers, but couldn't find a hooker

1. Cowboys need guns, damn it