10. Disney employees must have finger amputated so Mickey doesn't feel like outcast

9. They refuse to let Huey, Dewey and Louie see their Cuban father

8. If you listen carefully to Donald Duck, you can make out long strings of profanity-laced ethnic slurs

7. Pokemon characters keep turning up face down in the Hudson

6. The last time I said something bad about Disney, my heart exploded

5. Euro-Disney troops have overrun Poland and the low countries

4. Daytime pass for a child under 12 is now $78,500

3. In a nightclub altercation, Mickey's thugs shot Stuart Little

2. Tinkerbell? Implants

1. Bill Clinton has been acting awfully animatronic lately