10. Won 30 grand on Jeopardy's monkey week

9. Only guy in your house that has any idea what's happening on "Lost"

8. Got 1600 on the monkey SAT's

7. Bought Chiquita at $1.50 a share

6. Banned from all casinos for card counting

5. Will only eat bananas if they've been flambeed with rum

4. Uses his tail to make adorable shadow puppets of today's hottest stars

3. Knows the recipe for a dynamite banana daiquiri

2. The NSA hired him to wire all of your fruits and vegetables

1. Long ago, he warned his cousin Bubbles to stay the hell away from Michael Jackson