10. You've got a pack of Marlboros rolled up in your lab coat sleeve

9. You never appear in public without a half-empty bottle of Bacardi Rum

8. Morning, noon and night you can be found wandering around in a hospital gown

7. Always confusing defibrillator with fry-o-lator

6. You thought "Chicago Hope" was going to be a hit

5. Your medical degree is from that correspondence school endorsed by Sally Struthers

4. Instead of flu vaccine, you recommend so-called "flu-proof" socks

3. You smoke like a chimney and drink like a Kennedy

2. You spend your entire day doing the very thing you said should be taught in school

1. Your cure for heart disease: Zima