10. Every time you pass the doorman, he's wearing another article of your clothing

9. You notice a cockroach playfully carrying your cat in its mouth

8. You can't get through your bedroom door for all the yellow police tape

7. You have what appears to be hot and cold running chowder

6. Your building's security system is just a cardboard cut-out of Clint Eastwood

5. When you ask the super to fix your leaky faucet, he says, "Whoa, I'm not exactly Norm Abrams"

4. Rent must be paid in small, non-sequential bills

3. It's the same bedroom you had as a kid, but now your parents are charging you two grand a month

2. Instead of painting your apartment, Super just coats the walls with mayonnaise

1. Three words: that ain't carpet