10. Try not to preface sex with, "Do I have to?"

9. Don't embarrass her in front of the entire world -- women hate that.

8. Never ever ever wife-swap with the Shalalas.

7. Every few months, let her run the country.

6. If you must smoke cigars, get an actual humidor.

5. Six key words: deny, deny, deny, apologize, apologize, apologize.

4. Have them geniuses at Nasa develop a space ray that makes her forget what a bastard you are.

3. Remember, it takes two people to maintain a cold, loveless marriage of convenience.

2. Celebrate anniversary with a passionate night of lovemaking, and let her know how it went.

1. Don't get caught.