10. "We apologize for the delay--the bizkit is too limp to perform."

9. "The first 80 rows are reserved for former Mick Jagger mistresses only."

8. "Stay away from the brown smoothies."

7. "Mr. Letterman--we've found your pants."

6. "We have a message for a Hillary C. Please leave our state immediately."

5. "Attention: Paul Simon is not to be used as a hacky sack."

4. "DMX, please move your BMW."

3. "Will Willie Nelson's manager please report to the freakout tent."

2. "We hope you've enjoyed this three day festival of peace and love -- now pick up your crap and get the hell out of here."

1. "Ice Cube, please report to the frozen margarita tent."