10. Shake head violently. If a single hair moves--keep spraying.

9. You can find some snazzy ties in the stadium lost and found.

8. Always comb with the grain, not against it.

7. Yelling at players makes your face purple -- that's sort of like having a tan.

6. Tight pants highlight the fact you're a member of the "Big Ten."

5. Don't be one of those guys with hair plugs -- I mean, who do they think they're fooling?

4. I live by one simple rule--try to look better than Dick Vitale.

3. On special occasions, I like to use a little eyeliner.

2. Never, under any circumstance, go to Letterman's barber.

1. Forget "six-pack" abs...just go for the six-pack.