10. Groping in subway considered acceptable as long as you're wearing mittens

9. Area hospitals treating thousands of cases of middle-finger hypothermia

8. Flashers open raincoats exposing mock turtleneck sweaters from J. Crew

7. Hillary Clinton just announced she is running for U.S. Senator from Hawaii in 2004

6. To stay warm, Mayor Giuliani climbed into bed with his wife and his girlfriend

5. People have stopped complaining about the radioactive steam coming out of manholes

4. People coming into Ed Sullivan Theater to warm up

3. The squirrels in Central Park have ice on their nuts

2. Empire State Building is noticeably shorter

1. Whatever the hell's on top of Donald Trump's head just migrated south