10. Subways used to smell like urine, now smell like urine and Gatorade

9. Mayor Giuliani having an affair with a lady named Tiki

8. Statue of Liberty's head replaced by giant copper head of Dan Dierdorf

7. Crazy guy who gives you the finger every morning instead pats you on the ass

6. In honor or Super Bowl, goodbye XXX theaters, hello XXXV theaters

5. New rule for all city high schools: Spell "football," graduate with honors

4. For a couple of weeks it's not a living nightmare to be named Ben Gay

3. After shooting innocent victims, cops do cool "end zone celebration dance"

2. Hookers in Times Square charge 50 bucks to let you "split the uprights"

1. After sex with your wife, John Madden uses the telestrator to show you what you did wrong