10. "For Kelly Bostic, this is Joe Dawes wishing you a miserably unfulfilling evening"
Joe Dawes and Kelly Rostic from KOLR in Springfield, MO

9. "Thanks for watching and peace out, homeys"
Jerry Anderson from WTOL in Toledo, OH

8. "Let's take a few moments to notice just how handsome I am"
Tim Cable from WJHL in Johnson City, TN

7. "That ought to hold you little bastards"
Amy Rutledge from KDLH in Duluth, MN

6. "Good night from all of us. And a special good night to all of our viewers who are doing it right now"
John Mercer and Wendy Wyness from KTVN in Reno, NV

5. "I'm Mike Stafford, and I make a boatload more money than you"
Mike Stafford from KSWT in Yuma, AZ

4. "If I had a pet monkey, I'd name him after you"
Matt Mulcahy and Maureen Green from WTVH in Syracuse, NY

3. "Good night from all of us. David Letterman is next, so for God's sake change the channel now"
Jade Moon from KGMB in Honolulu, HI

2. "Thank God we're at the end -- I've got to take a wicked leak"
Matt Schmidt and Angie Quigley from KHQA in Quincy, IL

1. "By the way, honey, if you're watching tonight, I'm sleeping with your sister"
Don Shriver from WSEE in Erie, PA