10. Making a list of bigoted remarks and checking it twice

9. Fill out membership form to the Augusta National Golf Club

8. Trying to keep track of all the people calling to say they can't make it to his Christmas party

7. Pray for peace and happiness for everyone...well, almost everyone

6. Reminding friends to "keep quiet about the old days"

5. Dipping his foot in delicious eggnog before putting it in his mouth

4. Inviting media to "traditional Lott family Kwanzaa parade"

3. Call jet propulsion laboratories in Pasadena -- ask how much damn force his hair is generating

2. Joining Eminem to record album of hateful Christmas duets

1. Work on next year's apologies