10. "Every speech begins: 'It's great to be wherever the hell I am today'"

9. "You've hired Pete Rose to manage your campaign funds"

8. "You've been working tirelessly to secure endorsement of your imaginary friend Lester"

7. "You black out while campaigning in Nevada and wake up married to Britney Spears"

6. "You ask yourself, 'What would Schwarzenegger do?'"

5. "Last time you were home, America had 36 states"

4. "More and more debates are ending with you and Joe Lieberman on the floor wrestling"

3. "You actually attempt to show a pie chart on the radio"

2. "Agree to appear on lame late night talk show"

1. "Get caught polling yourself"