10. "An area of low pressure, which is formed in eastern Canada, moved quickly southeast... oh, who am I kidding? I have no idea what I'm talking about"
9. "You didn't hear it from me, but earth has spun out of orbit and is hurdling away from the sun"
8. "With a Kuchinich Presidency still a slight possibility, hell is beginning to freeze over"
7. "Who cares about the weather -- "Don't I look great?""
6. "The Gods are angry about that Britney Spears marriage"
5. "Someone must have left the Ed Sullivan Theater doors open"
4. "If I actually knew, don't you think I'd be doing something about it"
3. "Let's just say it's gonna stay cold 'till I get a raise"
2. "Don't know, but we could figure it out over a warm snuggle by a roaring fire at my place"
1. "It's January, you pantywaists -- get over it!!"
From "The Late Show with David Letterman", 01/15/2004