10. "Does it go with my shoes?"

9. "Should I get the extended warranty that covers replacement monkey parts?"

8. "Which species got the best rating from 'Consumer Monkey Reports'?"

7. "Does Louis Vuitton make monkey-wear?"

6. "Will it get along with whatever wealthy twit I'm currently engaged to?"

5. "If I don't buy this monkey, does that mean the terrorists have won?"

4. "Will it get along with Lindsay Lohan's orangutan?"

3. "Should I consider leasing?"

2. "Can it be trained to hold a video camera?"

1. "Will I still want a monkey when I'm sober?"