10. "I just bought ocean front property in Topeka, Kansas"

9. "Glaciers are receding faster than Letterman's hairline"

8. "'Cool Ranch' Doritos really 'Lukewarm Ranch' Doritos"

7. "No matter what you teach them, parrots only say, 'I'm sweating my nuts off'"

6. "Ed Sullivan Theater is now a balmy 48 degrees"

5. "Paris Hilton saying, 'That's hot' even about stuff that is so not"

4. "No shirt, no shoes? You still get service"

3. "Average temperatures have risen one degree over the last one hundred years - -One degree! That's what this is all about?!"

2. "Ted Williams' head just woke up asking for iced tea"

1. "I'm so disoriented from the heat, I agreed to do a lame Top Ten List"