10. "I don't play for the New York Jets"

9. "I'm living in a country where anyone can grow up to be President even if they shouldn't"

8. "Being named Modern Maturity's 'Sexiest Man Alive'"

7. "People with nothing better to do on a Thanksgiving than to sit in audience of a third-rate talk show"

6. "Oprah"

5. "My thick, luxurious head of hair"

4. "My son is still young enough to believe I'm an insurance salesman"

3. "Botox"

2. "Jessica Simpson is avalable!"

1. "CBS keeps paying me even though I stopped trying around 1997"