10. "I gave you the wrong necklace, honey -- that one's for my mistress"

9. "Wait, Valentine's Day is in February this year?"

8. "Mom, dad, meet my new boyfriend, Ayman Al-Zawahiri"

7. "Hmm, I thought IHOP would be busier"

6. "Uh, you know that movie 'Brokeback Mountain'..."

5. "Sure a diamond is forever, but this copy of 'Dianetics' will change your eternity"

4. "You're not a cop, are you?"

3. "Table for one?"

2. "Sorry, Mr. Letterman, we're out of Viagra"

1. "Damn. I thought you were a quail"