10. You're up against King Kong for Best Giant Money

9. Instead of asking who you're wearing, Joan Rivers asks why you showed up

8. Your film is used to torture Gitmo detainees

7. Best acting you did this year was telling your wife you didn't sleep with Angelina Jolie

6. You're "Guy #5" in the Paris Hilton sex tape

5. Gretzky's wife bet a grand against you

4. Your acting has been compared to Steven Segal

3. Played the coveted role of "man who gets kicked in the nuts"

2. George W. Bush has information you're going to win

1. You spent months learning to become a gay cowboy, but you're not an actor