10. He carved your initials in an infidel

9. Always gets the camel washed and waxed before he picks you up

8. Never forgets to release an Al-Jazeera video on your birthday

7. You say you enjoy Barry Manilow -- next day he sends you Barry Manilow's ear

6. Orders 1 goat milk, 2 straws

5. Says only thing hotter than your body is his scorching hatred for the Zionists

4. Get a romantic greeting card that reads, "You jihad me at 'Hello'"

3. He lets you call him "Ossie"

2. New intelligence reports put his whereabouts at Zales

1. He says every time he thinks of you, there's an uprising in his pants