10. Drink Windex until you see a U.F.O.

9. Become famous in the field of the arts, sciences, politics, or what have you; then pass away

8. Get elected President and let your wife run the country while you eat non-stop

7. Retire from your 75-million dollar a year job in the NBA to catch up on Donahue

6. Ask Janet Reno out on a date. Actually show up.

5. Marry Sonny and Cher

4. Add an "e" to potato

3. Host late-night talk show, then get pulled over for speeding

2. Beat the crap out of Barney in a texas shopping mall

1. Two words: tarmac haircut