10. I'm 542 years old, and Willard Scott still won't wish me a Happy Birthday.

9. I anchored my ship up here just a minute ago--and now it's gone.

8. Ah, a Gap store! Finally, a familiar sight.

7. Fabio! Put a shirt on! What's wrong with you?

6. I've come for silks, spices, and a shot at Madonna.

5. Let me get this straight ... you call this number and a lady talks dirty to you? Cool!

4. Bring me to Queen Oprah.

3. Where can I get me one of them Thighmasters?

2. I'm ready to 'discover' a quart of Bud Light and some hookers.

1. Hurry, I'm late for the Whoopi roast.