10. Lengthy pause after "Bow" while it tries to remember "Wow"

9. Buries tail, wags bones

8. When you give him Alpo, he just eats the meat by-products

7. Despite the overwhelming evidence, still smokes two packs a day

6. Showed up at the Whoopi Goldberg roast in catface

5. Has suffered over two dozen concussions from toilet seat falling on his head

4. Thinks "Snausages" is a real word

3. Voted for Fred Grandy, Love Boat's gopher, because he really thought he'd be a good congressman

2. Spends hours staring at kitchen cabinet, waiting for tiny horse-and-carriage to come out

1. Constantly chasing people named "Katz"