10. French baseball chatter very disorienting

9. U.S. players get sleepy standing through two national anthems.

8. Special enzyme in Canadian bacon that turns players into game-winning zombies

7. American teams discouraged by Clinton's new RBI tax

6. All our secret plays are being funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer.

5. Exchange rate makes Canadian runs worth more.

4. Stirring pre-game talks, which always end with "win one for Lorne Greene".

3. They don't bother to use actual Canadians.

2. Let's face it--we're a bunch of "Hosers."

1. Those damn mountie umpires