10. His so-called "co-anchor" is a six-pack of Bud.

9. Most of the stories from the local police involve him.

8. At least once per broadcast, publicly proposes to Susan Powter

7. After every story, he frantically washes his hands.

6. Puts on woman's wig and introduces self as "Connie Rather"

5. When local sports teams lose, he bursts into tears.

4. Wears big plastic cone around neck to keep him from nipping at microphone

3. Ends every newscast by screaming: "Goodnight mommy!"

2. Starts newscast over so he can be introduced with smoke, lights and dancing girls

1. All he's wearing is a necktie.