10. Every birthday, kid gets own TV show

9. One word name is less stressful for the child to memorize

8. Children can earn extra money by selling stories to the Enquirer

7. Won't make child adhere to stodgy conventions like eating with silverware

6. Child won't have to leave home to sell all her girl scout cookies

5. Breakfast, lunch and dinner -- loose meat sandwiches

4. Mom sits on a bully and presto! Bully tortilla!

3. She's on a two-hour feeding schedule herself

2. She took care of Tom for years

1. Already has "Bad-Ass Mom" tattoo