10. Forget the personal ads--try the intensive care unit
9. Wear something that, even to his failing eyes, will look slutty
8. Always carry some "mad money" for the paramedics
7. Make sure the valet parkers understand, if he dies in the restaurant, you get the car
6. When he wants sex, hide his glasses and put him in bed with a car battery
5. Remind him, "Hey, when you're 160, I'll be 101"
4. Prepare candlelit dinner. If he can blow out candle, you don't want him
3. To convincingly fake excitement during sex, just think about his stock portfolio
2. Good pick-up line: "Can I pre-chew that for you?"
1. Three words: "Bring extra plasma"
From "The Late Show with David Letterman", 08/15/1995