10. Start wearing my hilarious new "49 and holding..." t-shirt

9. Add some distinguished-looking gray highlights to my hairpiece

8. Finally fill out my 1987 tax returns

7. Tearful reunion with my college roommate, Strom Thurmond

6. Blow out the candles, then notice that one of my lungs is sitting on the cake

5. Go to Gap, use $50 gift certificate from CBS President Les Moonves

4. Enjoy topless dance on my desk from Drew Carey

3. Go to the dry cleaner's and use the pants press on my face

2. See "Booty Call" for the 12th time

1. Cruise for chicks with Regis