10. The second the lights go down, Gore grabs my ass

9. Eight "Star Trek" movies, not a single naked Klingon

8. In "Independence Day," President should have run away to Oxford

7. Not enough `splosions!

6. You know those really, really huge buckets of popcorn? Well they ain't big enough for President Tubby

5. No matter what he says to the screen, Alicia Silverstone won't give him the time of day

4. Turns out cold-cocking the loudmouth behind you is not presidential

3. Projectionist keeps trying to show movie on his flabby thighs

2. Hard to enjoy "Star Wars" because Chewbacca always reminds him of Janet Reno

1. The dark is scary