David Letterman
"I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City. Tough summer out there, but I was pretty excited. I found what I thought at the time was a very rare seashell. And I took it to a friend of mine who works in a museum. And I was really disappointed. It turned out to be just a human ear. New York City's had kind of a tough summer. The people from Roget's Thesaurus announced that in their next edition New York City will be listed for the first time officially as a synonym for hell. If you're planning to travel to New York City, do yourself a favor--this is a lot of fun--check into a Times Square hotel. And take the Bible out of the nightstand there, if it hasn't already been stolen, of course. And open up to the Ten Commandments and go to the window, and on a good day you can check the commandments off as you see them being broken."