Dogbert
"I'm writing a comprehensive ''How To'' book. In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers. Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods. Chapter three: How to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream. Chapter four: How to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going. Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience. That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses."