10. "High altitude in the Alps made daddy dizzy"

9. "Who can resist Balco's delicious 'spicy chipotle' flavor

8. "I was trying to impress Sheryl Crow"

7. "Uh...global warming?"

6. "The world hates Americans already, so does this really matter?"

5. "French bastards must have dosed my quiche"

4. "Wanted to give 'New York Post' excuse to run hilarious 'Fink Floyd' headline"

3. "Hulk no need excuse"

2. "Frankly, I'd rather be a disgrace than a loser"

1. "Screw you - - I'm Floyd ***damn Landis"