10. Deploy to wherever American forces are needed, preferably somewhere like Cancun
Staff Sergeant Catherine Knoebel

9. Organizing peacekeeping efforts at all Clinton family gatherings
Staff Sergeant Justin Rubin

8. When all you lazy people return un-rewound Blockbuster videos, who do you think rewinds them?
Specialist Raymond Ramirez

7. We make sure your state doesn't get pushed around by the other states
Senior Airmen Jennifer Rolon

6. Keeping a close eye on that CBS talking baby
Specialist Jennifer Durkin

5. Reading lame comedy lists on second-rate late-night talk shows
Specialist David Lee

4. 24-hour perimeter security around Derek Jeter's locker
Senior Airmen Laurie Santangelo

3. We guard the nation... You know, as in "The National Guard"
Tech Sergeant Todd Lobraico

2. Looking damn good in uniform
Specialist Godfrey Leigh

1. Protecting our greatest national treasure, Oprah
Sergeant Keith Meyers