10. No more scotch and water, from now on it's all scotch

9. On April Fool's Day, dropped air-filled balloons onto unsuspecting pedestrians

8. Three words: ketchup ice cubes

7. Fill up the swimming pool with Nyquil

6. Instead of washing dishes, I just throw them away and get new ones

5. Make coffee with air conditioning condensation

4. Brushing my teeth with Dr. Pepper

3. (Writers too dehydrated to write #3)

2. Drinking more gasoline

1. Having my hairpieces dry-cleaned, not washed