10. Will guide Iraq forward into the eleventh century

9. More money spent on the arts, specifically flattering portraits of Saddam Hussein

8. Will hold regular "town hall" meetings, followed by "town hall" tortures and executions

7. Less talk, more rock

6. An anthrax-infected chicken in every pot!

5. Switch from intimidating beret to humorous "Lordy Lordy I'm Over Forty" baseball cap

4. I'll paint any camel for $99.99

3. Ah, what the hell -- mustaches for everybody!

2. Sunday night "Sex and the City" marathon at the palace

1. To restore decency and integrity to the office of tyrannical, murderous dictator