10. Rides around in a chariot pulled by bomb-sniffing dogs

9. Recently announced, "We must destroy Norway before Norway destroys us"

8. Has started posting nude photos of himself on the homeland security website

7. Wore mickey mouse ears to press conference and screamed, "I can't go to Disneyworld 'cuz of the stupid terrorists!"

6. Blew off terrorist briefing to see "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle"

5. Wears slacks that match the color of the current terror alert

4. Before making important decisions, asks self, "What would Courtney Love do?"

3. Issues separate terror warnings for squirrels

2. Stands outside White House all day screaming, "Condolezza!!!!!!"

1. Yesterday had lunch with Osama - - completely forgot to call the cops