10. Never once received a card on National Secretary's Day.

9. Spittoons everywhere.

8. Hated the idea of working a single day with that son-of-a-bitch Alberto R. Gonzales.

7. Rumsfeld smells like Old Spice and Chivas.

6. Condoleezza Rice showing up for late-night strategy sessions in lingerie and heels.

5. Tired of Dr. heart attack getting all the attention.

4. Thought the commissary's "secretary of steak" was in poor taste.

3. CIA jokesters who say, "I found weapons of mass destruction--in my pants!"

2. Bush constantly asking, "so which state are you secretary of?"

1. Too many old white guys.