10. You're not allowed to eat during months with an "R" in them.

9. You're told to replace food with crack.

8. Company sent you a fun house mirror to make you look thinner.

7. It's a Dr. Phil diet and after 2 weeks you look exactly like Dr. Phil.

6. You're sweating cottage cheese.

5. If you follow it faithfully, they promise you'll lose 2 pounds in the next 12 years.

4. You're only allowed to eat Ukranian foods rich in dioxin.

3. Sure you'll lose weight, but you're also a foot shorter.

2. It's the Atkins Diet--the Chet Atkins diet.

1. Youre ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez to Kirstie Alley.