10. You call her "sweetie" she calls you "that guy whose food I'm poisoning."

9. You share the same prison cell.

8. I'm sleeping with your wife.

7. Your husband comes home with a new dress for you and another one for himself.

6. You sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms, in separate houses, in separate states.

5. He has spent the last three-and-a-half years fleeing from cave to cave.

4. She watches "Desperate Housewives" for ideas on how to cheat.

3. Your spouse is late for your anniversary because "the gay bar didn't have a clock."

2. Her response to your marriage proposal: "I guess."

1. You married Star Jones.