10. Claimed he had plan to win war, then switched on the bat signal

9. Kept talking about how Scientology changed his life

8. Ten minutes of policy, 20 minutes of Karaoke

7. Imploring all Americans to support Joey McIntyre in the next episode of "Dancing with the Stars"

6. It was basically a 50-minute infomercial for new George Bush grill

5. Spent 15 minutes looking at himself in the monitor

4. Most of speech was devoted to his fourth of July deviled egg recipe

3. Revealed he'll soon be giving uncensored weekly addresses on sirius satellite radio

2. Midway through, he got engaged to Tom Cruise

1. Finished up by asking if Kerry still wanted the gig