10. Play up the "at least he didn't do steroids" angle

9. Pin everything on Saddam's scheming brother, Larry Hussein

8. Answer every charge with, "No, you're thinking of Iran"

7. Explain he was driven insane by the intense flavor of new Spicy Nacho Doritos

6. Brand prosecutor's list of 12,000 witnesses as "flimsy"

5. Brighten mood by calling to the stand the always charming Tony Danza

4. Request one of those "confined to your 153-acre estate" punishments like Martha got

3. Give Saddam white suit and turkey leg--make him hilarious boss hogg-like figure

2. Let Saddam Hussein go nuts and execute everyone in the courtroom

1. "If the underpants don't fit, you must acquit"