10. "Begins every speech with, 'Dude, I'm so hungover'"

9. "Welcomed John Roberts with awkward, lingering hug"

8. "During recent speech, coughed up a swizzle stick"

7. "Now spells his name 'B-U-S-C-H'"

6. "Appointed Michael Brown head of Zima"

5. "He's been pronouncing words correctly"

4. "Next Supreme Court nominee: Johnny Walker Black"

3. "He's been asking Clinton for 'That hefty girl's telephone number'"

2. "Even the twins are urging him to slow down"

1. "Called a cabinet meeting to discuss 'Laura's dynamite ass'"