10. "Trophy can be used as ID at airports"

9. "Now when coach gives me pointers, I can say, 'And how many Heismans have you won?'"

8. "Lifetime supply of pigskin"

7. "Microchip in the trophy gets me through E-Z Pass"

6. "The trophy holds 10,000 songs"

5. "Now maybe someone on the team'll get a date besides pretty boy Matt Leinhart"

4. "Steinbrenner's trying to get me to sign with the Yankees"

3. "I now have the world's most valuable paperweight"

2. "Secret code for 'Madden NFL 2006' video game that lets me see John Madden naked"

1. "You're the only Bush with an approval rating over 40%"