10. "Mall security guards won't stop tasering people"

9. "The mannequins are giving you the finger"

8. "You toss a penny in the fountain and it hits a corpse"

7. "Lenscrafters promises glasses 'In about a month'"

6. "The Sbarro sbucks"

5. "It's located in the 'bad part' of Fallujah"

4. "Saturday is 'Mexican Gang Day'"

3. "You check your coat; 10 mintues later you see it for sale at J.C. Penney"

2. "The sales person keeps offering to measure your inseam, and you're at a bookstore"

1. "The only thing half-off is Santa's pants"