10. Introduces himself as "Captain Morgan"

9. You open overhead luggage compartment and find him taking a nap

8. Giggles anytime someone says, "cockpit"

7. Your flight from New York to Chicago takes 16 hours on the interstate

6. He agrees to go hunting with Dick Cheney

5. Announces plane will be circling until he's sober enough to land

4. When you hit turbulance, he screams, "Damn! Spilled Kahlua on my pants!"

3. Asks passengers to look out window for the fuzz

2. Keeps turning on the intercom and yelling: "Wheeeee!"

1. He's flying the airplane with Britney Spears' baby on his lap