10. CPA training ensures I'm cool in high-pressure situations, like calculating the tip at Applebee's

9. While other poor losers go off to work in jeans and sneakers, I get to wear a suit

8. You haven't lived until you've filled out form 3277

7. What can I say I'm an adrenaline junkie

6. I'm on such good terms with the IRS, I haven't paid taxes since '89

5. I like to lick the envelopes

4. Like the president, I only work one month a year

3. After April 15th, I spend the year eating Pringles and watching rasslin'

2. Women don't expect much in the bedroom

1. I fudge a couple of numbers and the next thing you know they're hauling Letterman's ass off to prison